Fiance insecure after seeing pictures from bachelorette party

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Dear Abby: I’m about to get married to a wonderful woman. We have been together for 16 years and have two precious kids. Recently, we were treated to bachelor and bachelorette parties, a week apart. Although we all know that what goes on during them isn’t real, it’s over once you walk out the door.

Well, my fiancee has pictures and videos of her celebration. I knew what “could” have happened, but only in my imagination. Seeing these images, I now find myself constantly comparing myself to the performers. Even though I had told her that the fantasy shouldn’t come home in any way, she says there’s nothing to hide, which is why she had the pictures and videos done. Am I overreacting? The wedding is still going to happen, by the way.

— Fantasy vs. Reality

Dear F.V. R.: While the fact that your fiancee brought home “souvenirs” is regrettable, you are going to have to let go of your anxiety. Regardless of what went on at her bachelorette party, and I know some of them can become pretty wild, you must remember that the men the bride and her attendants interacted with were HIRED for the occasion. (Just like the performers at yours were.) If this has truly affected your self-esteem, you may have to add one more item to the cost of your nuptials — some sessions with a therapist to help you straighten out your thinking.

P.S. I sincerely hope your precious children never get their hands on that video.

Dear Abby: My husband’s sister and her husband, “Tom,” recently moved to the same town we live in. I adore her, and she has become a close friend. We weren’t able to get to know each other during the beginning of my marriage because we lived so far apart.

Since they moved here, she and Tom fight constantly. Every time they do, Tom wants her to come stay with us. I don’t mind an occasional overnight stay, but he wants her to move in with us! The problem is she has no income of her own and no car, or even a driver’s license. She’s totally dependent on him.

I don’t feel comfortable getting in the middle of their business. We can’t afford to take her in and take care of her, but she has nowhere else to go. What should I do? We can’t put her out on the street.

— Wits’ End in the East

Dear Wits’ End: Your sister-in-law and brother-in-law have not been fighting only since they moved to your community. It appears they have had severe marital problems that weren’t dealt with well before they arrived. It’s time for your husband to become more involved and talk with both of them.
If there are other relatives in the area, perhaps she could stay temporarily with them. Of course, if Tom has a job, he will have to contribute financially until she becomes independent. In the meantime, encourage her toward self-sufficiency by helping her familiarize herself with public transportation, which she can use to seek employment.


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com



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